Retreating From The Pain
by Moonypiez
Summary: This is how Ianto retreats from the pain of the world. But his solution usually ends up causing more problems than fixing them.


Disclaimer- Don't own Torchwood… Well don't look so surprised

A/N- Something's wrong… WHY AM I WRITING THIS! Oh yeah I'm bored :D This story was based of the story called Fat Ianto? by- Mrs-Dana-Ianto-Jones I hope you like.. took me forever to write because I was watching Shane Dawson on YouTube…

Retreating From The Pain

Pain. That was something Ianto was very familiar with. Seems like pain was everywhere. He needed a way to escape from its grasp. He had found a way once. He usually relapsed back on it. He knew it was un-healthy but it helped him retreat from the agony. When Ianto was 13, his mother died of cancer. Ianto had been very close with her and when she died, Ianto went spiraling into depression. He missed her so much and nothing he did would make him feel better. Except one thing. Ianto had turned to food to comfort him. He never cried when his mother died. He just kept shoving cakes and take away down his throat. His father and sister had been really nice to him. But no amount of kindness had made him feel better. Chocolate milk shakes and cheese burgers did this for him. His father and sister thought he would get over his mother's death after a while so they didn't try to get any other help. After a while, Ianto had gained a lot of weight. He had just been starting to cope with his mother's death when school started again. When Ianto went, he was bullied. People's harsh words didn't help Ianto. He didn't tell anyone. He kept it bottled up inside. Which just made him turn to food more than before. He was always tormented by the people at his school. He ended up only having a few friends because of this, but few were better than none. He hanged out with a kid named Chris a lot. Chris was his best friend. But that was added in with a mix of other rumors. Kids in his school started calling Ianto and Chris fags and made up a lie about them dating. Chris stopped talking to Ianto after a while. Ianto had lost his best friend because of the assholes in his school. His world was crumbling before his eyes. He wasn't doing well in school and he had no one to talk to anymore. All the people in his education prison kept tormenting him. And Ianto had always been insecure so it didn't help when people called him fat ass when he walked through the door. No one really knew how much it had hurt Ianto. When Ianto decided to join Torchwood, he lost all the weight and met Lisa. Everything was going so smoothly. It didn't seem so painful anymore. Then the battle at Canary Wharf happened. He coped by trying to save Lisa. She was all he had now. The pain was coming back. Then he met Jack Harkness and Torchwood 3. Those years he had shared with Torchwood 3 went by with a blur. But the moment Lisa was shot, the pain was back. And Ianto didn't know how to get rid of it. Well he has a way to get rid of the pain, but that always seemed to cause more problems than it fixed.

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Ianto was doing it again. The emotions, the thoughts, the nightmares were locked in his brain. He couldn't do anything to force the words out. And it hurt. So much. The pressure that Ianto always felt. Jack and Ianto were now officially dating. And all Ianto could think about was back when he was 13. When the kids in his school were calling him and Chris faggets and gays. And because of their relationship, he couldn't get Lisa out of his brain. The pain was hitting him head on. Ianto got off the couch he was sitting on and went over to his fridge. He was battling himself on the inside. He ended up stuffing himself with éclairs, donuts, and anything else he could get his hands on. The pain. He couldn't feel it when he was eating. It was amazing to get a break. Ianto spent the rest of the night eating his pain away. He spent the rest of his week like this too. He didn't stay late with Jack at Torchwood like he normally did. He just wanted to run away from the pain. Even for a moment.

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Jack was noticing weird things going on with Ianto. For one he wouldn't stay after work anymore. Which was weird because Ianto always stayed late. Jack also realized that Ianto was being really distant. And Ianto had put on a little weight and was actually eating food. Usually Ianto lived on tea and biscuits and Jack was starting to get scared. Whenever there was a sudden change in someone… It never ended well. Jack decided to go over to Ianto's flat as a surprise. When he walked in, Ianto was crying on the couch.

"Ianto? What's wrong?" Jack asked as he sat on the couch with Ianto. Ianto cuddled into him and sobbed into his chest. Ianto had been hiding from everyone all week. No one ever saw him unless he was running to the archives or something. What Jack didn't realize is that Ianto gained more weight than Jack thought he did. After a while, Ianto stopped crying and sat up. Jack put his hands around Ianto's admittedly fat waist and tried to get Ianto to tell him what was going on. Ianto told Jack about when his mother died. What happened when school started. Ianto was afraid of loving Jack because of all the harsh words he was told as a child. When he told this to Jack, the pain wasn't as bad as before. It wasn't invisible but so much more bearable. When Ianto had finished his story, Jack kissed him. That kiss filled his heart with butterflies but his head could only concentrate on what happened with Chris all those years ago. Ianto just wanted to fit in but this made him stand out. Ianto's insecurities were driving him insane.

"Do you still love me?" Ianto asked and Jack stared at him with a confused look.

"Of course I do! Why wouldn't I?"

"I'm not too heavy am I?" Ianto asked, his insecurity's getting the best of him.

"No you're not and even if you were, I would still love you." Jack kissed him.

"I love you too." Ianto said kissing Jack on the lips lovingly.

A/N- well wasn't that sweet? No… Well then… Favorite, follow, PLZ REVIEW… hope you liked


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